There's a persistent myth that university days are filled with good times and carefree days that culminate in a fabulous graduation ceremony.

However, that's not the experience for many, many students. And the reality can be so far removed from expectations that the gap between the two becomes extremely hard to navigate.

This is especially true of the first few weeks of the first year of university life.

There are some points worth mentioning at this time.

You don’t realise it, but university life is not ALL like this! This is the starting point, there are many other phases as the years progress. And, when you look back, you will be able to see it in a different light. You may still not look back with any fondness for it, but the first weeks will become a smaller feature of a fuller experience. In short - you will gain perspective.

Think about it. Your whole life has changed in the space of a few weeks. Under any other circumstances you would expect some after-shocks and a period of readjustment. This is no different. The fact that you have worked so hard for it does not mean that an adjustment is not necessary. It very much is.

Be a little gentler on yourself. Take the shorter term view to start with - set a goal of something that you could achieve in the next week. Choose a manageable and meaningful task and start the process of changing things in your own favour. Success in a smaller task can start a far bigger change in the longer term.

If it is really not going well - and you haven’t already done so - talk to someone. A friend, a lecturer or a member of your student success team. Tell your parents or a sibling and make a plan to decide what your next best steps could be. Would a short visit home make a positive difference? Find your student support department and make use of their knowledge, skills and experience. If you are overwhelmed then contact the helplines that are there for that very reason; Samaritans, Studentminds and your Student’s Union.

Maybe you have options that you are unaware of. Aside from the support you may need to complete the demands of daily life; coursework, shopping for food, and making connections with other people. You may need to have a really good review of what is going right and what’s not. You may want to make an informal re-start (new attitude, new activities, re-prioritise) or a bigger change; a different course or a move to a different university altogether.

You may even choose to defer or, in some cases, leave. You would not be the first person to take any of these options. You wouldn’t be the last.

Crucially, when you need to consider these bigger options then do so with a clear head and at a time and place where you feel comfortable and safe to do so. Do it with help from people you trust and who understand you. Make sure you consider the pros and cons of staying and of leaving. Then, make a decision and commit to it.

Whatever you choose, show yourself some grace. It needn't feel like a battle - change is not failure. Change is growth. Mistakes and start-overs are normal! Good luck 🌻